Bonds
by Misha
Summary: Josh and Donna reflect on the strange bond that they share and how they keep coming together.
1. Bound Together

Bound Together   
By Misha 

Disclaimer- These characters are the property of NBC, Aaron Sorkin, or whoever. I'm not writing this for profit in any way, shape, or form, but because I have a lot of spare time on my hands. 

Author's Notes- This is a very strange, slightly disturbing fanfic that just short of jumped into my mind and stayed there. It's set after "Posse Comitatus" and focuses on Josh and Donna. Well mostly Donna, but there's some serious Josh/Donna action, just not a very happy one. As I said, it's strange. I don't know what possessed me to write it, but I couldn't resist. That's all, enjoy! 

Spoilers- "Posse Comitatus" and back. 

Archive- Wherever, just ask first. 

Rating- R, I guess.   


* * *

Donna opened her eyes and lay still for a long moment. 

She could feel the strong arms around her waist, the naked male body pressed next to hers, but wanted to block it all out for a moment. 

Finally though, she turned to look at Josh's sleeping form and repressed a sigh. 

So it had really happened. She and Josh had ended up in bed together. 

It wasn't the first time that had happened, but she had thought that he once had started seeing Amy, that it wouldn't happen again. 

But it had. 

Donna closed her eyes. 

What she and Josh had was complex, to say the least. 

She wouldn't call it a romantic attachment, but definitely an emotional one. He needed her and she supposed that she needed him. 

She just wasn't sure that she liked the pattern that they had going. 

Most of the time it worked. 

They were friends, they bantered flirtatiously, and that was it. They ignored the undertones of their relationship. 

Though sometimes, it escaped to the surface. 

Like during the Cliff thing. 

But that was it, until something like last night happened. 

Honestly, Donna didn't think it was about sex, but about comfort, about hanging on to one another. 

In fact, she was almost positive of that. 

Josh could have had sex with Amy the night before, but he hadn't, instead he had ended up in Donna's bed. 

A fact that she felt uncomfortable about. She didn't exactly like Amy, but she considered her a nice enough person and felt bad that she had ended up having sex with Amy's boyfriend. 

Especially when Amy had just lost her job. 

Of course, there was the fact that it was obvious that Josh and Amy's relationship was on the rocks. 

But that was no excuse, not really. 

Josh stirred in his sleep and Donna caressed his face with one hand. 

When he woke up, the scene would be a familiar one. They'd agree not to talk about it again, that it had just been one of those things (never minding the fact that Ôone of those things' was becoming a habit), and then they would have breakfast together, before Josh went back to his apartment or she went back to hers. 

But for now, she could just lay there look at him. 

She wasn't sure if she loved him. 

No, that was wrong. She knew that she loved him, but she wasn't sure in which way. She honestly didn't know if it was a romantic love or not. 

She knew that she was attracted to him and that there was serious chemistry between them. God, if nothing else the way the sex between them pretty much proved that. 

But beyond that... She wasn't sure and didn't think that she really wanted to delve into it too deeply. 

It was just too complicated a situation. God knows what anyone would say if they knew. 

After all, it was beyond inappropriate. Josh was her boss and he was seeing someone else, though to be fair he hadn't been any of the other times that it had happened. Still, she worked for him and it would reflect badly on the White House if the situation became public. 

She shook her head. 

It wouldn't become public. After all, it hadn't before. 

She thought back to the first time that she and Josh had ended up in bed together. 

Christmas of 2000. 

She had driven Josh to the hospital and then back to his place. He had asked her to stay awhile, saying that he didn't want to be alone, and she had mutely nodded. They had put in a movie and had just sat down on the couch together to watch it. 

Then, when the movie was over, she had stood up to leave, and hadn't. Instead, Josh had stood up as well and he had reached out to her and just looked at her with a desperate look and in a low voice asked her to stay with him. She had agreed and that had been that. 

After that night, things went back to normal for awhile. 

Until the night Mrs. Landigham had died. 

Josh had come back to the office after he heard the news, told her what had happened and then asked her if she would come home with him. She had nodded silently. 

The next month or so had been a weird one. 

Dealing with the MS scandal and everything had caused them to end up in bed together more than once in a short period of time. Each one likes the ones before it. 

But, after a while, things went back to normal for everyone, including them. 

They went back to the way they usually were and she went out with Cliff. 

That had been a disaster. 

Until the previous night, it had also been the last time that she and Josh had ended up in bed together. 

The night of the whole diary thing. 

She had just been lucky that she had never written about the thing with Josh in her diary, but she hadn't, since she rarely even want to think about it, let alone put it down in writing. 

She also wondered if the Josh thing might be why she had slept with Cliff. To prove to herself that it was just sex and that she could have it with someone else. That she didn't need to continue the weird cycle that she and Josh had going. 

If it was, it had gone badly. 

And it hadn't even served it's purpose, since she had ended up in Josh's bed once more. 

Again there had been an almost desperate merging between them that night. As if they were both trying to prove that things hadn't fallen apart as badly as it appeared. That they could try and salvage something by clinging together. 

It was always like that. Especially on Josh's part. 

When something horrible happened that he didn't want to deal with, he clung to her for comfort and she let him. 

She saw his pain and tried to heal it in the only way she could, while trying to bury her own monsters at the same time. 

That was what the night before had been about. 

He had come to her as soon as he had heard about Simon Donovan's death and had needed to lose himself in her and she had let him. She needed to loose herself as well. Needed to know that he was okay and that he was safe. 

So, she had responded to his touch and allowed him to lead her to the bed. 

She had reached out to him, become one with him in the most basic way possible, allowed the pain of real life to fade away for just a moment. 

But now, now the night was over, and she had come back to the real world. 

She had a million questions going through her head as well as reality to face. 

She knew that it would be a hard day. 

That everyone would be dealing with the death of Simon Donovan. 

Also with the reminder that the anniversaries were so close. The anniversary of Mrs. Landigham's death had been a few days ago, the anniversary of the shooting was in a few more days. 

Donna had a feeling that Josh would end up in her bed again then, too. 

If she let him. She wanted to believe that she wouldn't. 

That the night before had been out of grief and pain. Because a good man had died a senseless death. 

But she knew that wasn't it. She didn't know what it was. 

But it was something. But it was still wrong. 

Someone was still getting hurt by it. 

As she thought about Amy, she paused suddenly. 

Why had he come to her, why hadn't he slept with Amy instead? 

She knew from what he had told her, that he had been Amy's when he had heard the news about Simon and that he had walked out of her apartment without a word and had gone straight to Donna's. 

But why? Why hadn't he allowed Amy to comfort him, instead of going to Donna? 

She didn't really know. 

But at the same time, she thought that she might. 

Amy was new in his life and probably wasn't permanent. She hadn't been there through it all, like Donna had, nor was the same invisible bond there. 

So it made sense that Josh wouldn't turn to Amy in a moment of pain, but instead seek out the same old remedy. 

Donna rested her hands on Josh's chest, gently tracing his scar. 

That scar represented the beginning of whatever it was that brought him to her bed. 

Before Rosslyn, their relationship had been simple. They had been friends, boss and employee, nothing else. 

But Rosslyn had changed that. Made them survivors. Brought new demons for them both, demons that they tried to vanquish by losing themselves in one another. 

By merging their bodies, by connecting in the most intimate way possible, they tried to wipe all the darkness away. 

And for a little while each time, it worked. 

While he was inside of her, while their bodies where joined, they could both forget everything. Just think about the moment, nothing else. 

But morning always came. 

And with it, a moment of reflection. Of reckoning. 

Suddenly, Donna's phone rang, and she gently pulled herself away from Josh's embrace to answer it. 

"Hello?" 

"Donna, it's Amy." 

Donna instantly tensed at the sound of the other woman's voice. 

"Hi." She said, wondering what Josh's girlfriend could want, but afraid that she knew. 

"Donna, I'm sorry to call you so early, but have you seen Josh? He left here in a hurry last night and I haven't been able to get a hold of him." Amy told her, sounding worried. 

Donna glanced down at Josh's naked form, looked at where his leg was still slung over her own and bit her lip. 

"No." She said after a minute. "I'm sorry, I haven't seen him." 

The lie felt bitter on her lips, but the truth would have been worse. She knew that. 

"Well if you do, will you tell him I'm looking for him?" Amy asked, still sounding, but also relieved that Josh hadn't gone to Donna when he left her. 

If only she knew the truth. 

"Of course." Donna said. 

"Thanks, well, I'll let you go now." Amy told her, hanging up. 

Donna hung up her end and lay back in bed, closing her eyes as she did so. 

God, she felt guilty. 

She had just had a conversation with a woman worried about her boyfriend, while said boyfriend lay sleeping in her bed. 

God, what kind of person was she? 

To fuck someone else's boyfriend, lie to that person, and know that she would probably end up doing it again in only a few days? 

She didn't know. 

She didn't know anything. 

Only that she and Josh shared some weird, desperate bond that was going to hurt someone. Maybe themselves. 

She didn't know. 

But she did know that she couldn't break it. 

Neither of them could. 

If only that was possible. But it wasn't. 

The End 


	2. Connected

Connected  
By Misha

Disclaimer- These characters are the property of NBC, Aaron Sorkin, or whoever. I'm not writing this for profit in any way, shape, or form, but because I have a lot of spare time on my hands.

Author's Notes- This is a companion to "Bound Together". Like the other one, his is a very strange, slightly disturbing story. Somebody suggested that I write Josh's PoV and I couldn't resists, so here it is. It's set after "Posse Comitatus" and focuses on Josh and Donna. Well mostly Josh, but there's some serious Josh/Donna action, just not very happy action, there's also some Josh/Amy. As I said, it's strange. I don't know what possessed me to write it, but I couldn't resist. That's all, enjoy!

Spoilers- "Posse Comitatus" and back.

Archive- Wherever, just ask first.

Rating- PG-13.

* * *

Josh lay still, pretending to sleep for at least a few minutes longer.

When he opened his eyes, he knew things would change. He and Donna would slip into the awkward morning after ritual they had long since perfected. He'd rather put that off for as long as possible.

He had woken up when Donna had moved from his embrace to the answer the phone, but he knew that wasn't the best moment to let her know it. Especially given who it had been on the other end of the phone.

Josh had known instantly and had felt the shame wash over him in waves. He was laying in another woman's bed, while said woman talked to his girlfriend and pretended that she had no idea where he was. He felt like the scum of the Earth and was sure that Donna felt the same way.

He knew that he shouldn't be here. That this thing with Donna should never have started, though it did. And yet he couldn't end it.

He had thought that he had. That they had gone back to whatever they had been before, but he had been wrong. Because the first time something bad had happened he had gone back to her.

And it shook him to the core.

He had been with Amy when he had learnt the news. She had been willing to offer him any comfort that she could.

Yet, he hadn't taken it. Instead he had fled her apartment and run to another woman. He had found the comfort he needed in the other woman's arm, sating himself with her body.

And now, as he lay still in her bed, he had to admit something.

He loved Donna.

Well, he had always known that. But now, now he knew that he loved her in a way that he should love Amy. He didn't want to, had tried not to, but no matter how hard he fought it, he couldn't escape it.

And he knew that though she probably wasn't willing to admit it, Donna felt the same way about him. They were connected, the years and the pain had bonded them in a way that nothing could tear apart.

No matter how much they tried to fight it, they would always end up back together, because they were meant to be.

But at the moment, it was complicated.

There were too many issues.

So they hid from it. They pretend to be just friends, but always ended up back in the same place. Because they couldn't help it.

Still, that didn't make it right. Didn't make him feel any less guilty. 

Yet, as he lay there in his assistant's bed, thinking about what lie he would tell his girlfriend, he knew that it wasn't a one time thing.

It would happen again.

Because they couldn't help it. When the world went crazy, he sought sanity. And she was his sanity, his refuge from any problem.

Donna could comfort him in a way that no one else ever would be able to. She could reach him in a way that no one else could.

Even now, as the morning after sunk in, he took comfort in feeling her presence next to him. Despite the fact that he couldn't handle it, despite the fact that he knew it was wrong, he loved her and he always would. 

They were connected.

And would be for the rest of time.

Nothing could stop that.

The End


End file.
